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Dear Jesus...
I want to tell you about a guy I'm deeply into. I'm sure you know him
already because afterall, you know everything. He's
intelligent...mysterious and caring with a BIG heart....and he loves
me - or used to....or, I don't know. All I know is I dont want to let
him go....Things are real weird as of late. When will I finally be able to
breathe? Holding my breath all these years...walking on eggshells. And
no one seems to care/understand fully... :'( I just want to be content
and feel like I'm not here on earth to cause trouble. I'm intent on
speaking to someone about what I've been semi-secretly going
through...on an extensive level. There are areas of my heart that I
have sealed off like a crime scene....yellow tape all over the place
and I've not allowed anyone to examine the scene of the crime - not
even you. I say, "Stay back....it hurts too much." The past is so much
apart of me...old habits die hard but I hope to change that...
Jesus, he's wonderful! A gift so splended could only come from
You...am I wrong? If so, where is the middle ground?....what are you
trying to instill within me? I apologize for questioning you...I just
have a lot of questions but haven't a clue what to do with myself. I don't understand my mind...nor my body. They often desire opposite things...all the hurt inflicted on me in
the past is now being transferred and is effecting my relationships
presently...I'm doing the hurting this time. I thought to get help when
it was still fairly new...but I was young and scared. I mighta been a better
person today had I done so...but I thank you for every experience. You know why it happend because you know everything. You know me better than I do. Please
restore my self-worth....continue giving me reasons to fight. Help me
to wholeheartedly forgive my abusers.
Sexuality is such a touchy subject...but nothing is off limits with
you - thank God for that. This beautiful and pure thing that was created to share in a
healthly manner - whether intercourse or simple intimacy - completely
and utterly ruined! Battered...stained. Hear me...restore my state of
my mind that I may accept and accept only that which is healthy and
merited....*sigh*....you heard my pleas.....even when no one was there
to hear my screams of terror....you heard me....as I went unrescued
in his "care" - ravaging and defiling my innocence as well as my body....*SNIF* I get angry sometimes....but you know all things....I
trust you. I could trust you more I know that. But I do trust
you....in actuality, YOU are all the "man" I ever need...I need you...but I need him too...please attend to the this matter of my heart. I've addressed the heart of the matter: show me where to start in Your Matchless Name I pray, Amen.

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• Prayer posted to Group: RnB's Prayers
• Prayer Category: Relationships
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