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Lord...I know he thinks I shouldn't even be here...he's probally right. You know everything...and because you know everything, you know my heart. Lord, please speak to Richie....why is it that everything is so damaging for me? Particularly pertaining to those I claim to love...I pray as time goes on you reveal yourself to me. You are love...so reveal love. Importantly, reveal my endeavor to Richie not at a means to spite him, emotionally torment or confuse him, but a means to an end: THE END OF AN ERA - the reign of satan in my life! I keep calling on you to make things right...I keep crying out to you to see me...and I know you hear me. Lord...I can't live without this man....I know not of any middle raod. On either end I feel conviction. If I side with family, I feel I should remain with him and when I'm with him, I feel like I'm doing something wrong....*snif*...its not fair...its not fair to him...he's such a good man...a VERY good man...complete with qualities any woman would adore BUT I don't deserve them...I have work to do. I'd have to earn it. Love is a free gift yes, but gifts also must be maintained...taken care of. Not cast away, collecting dust on the shelf. My heart still beats in the blackness of my plight...I never wanted to hurt him...*snif*...Jesus, you know....you know everything....what do I do? Day and night, I consult....and consult....and consult...and when I feel confident enough to carry through with something, it becomes something else....I feel like dying! How is someone yours and not yours at the same time?...Lord, make me strong...I know what I want to do...I wish I could do them but there is too much conflict...too many chances for others to come in and put out the fire I have been trying to start for almost 3 years...Lord, forgive me of all the atrocities I have commited against this dear man...please let him know I never meant to hurt him. I only wanted to love him...and I couldn't even do that...I wasn't "free" to do that in my heart. Release...revive, restore...speaking with you, servant to master...I profess and proclaim that I love him. I may not have told him consisly but its because I love him that I wish to be better/do better....Lord...help him see that...please? Please...I don't want talk of fancy dinners, escapades out of town, "getaways", money...all the things that have been offered to me by other men as of late...truthfully...deep, deep down...I just want him. He is upset...and hurt...and I'm shamed...and saddend. I can't eat...I can't function. LORD SAVE ME FROM ANOTHER HOSPITOL VISIT....we haven't the money for that...I've been trying to make things work...they haven't been....I don't want to be loved by anyone else...I want to be the one...I can't stand the thought of him being loved by someone else...as incapable as I feel so please, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me a revelation......help me.... :'(...................

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• Prayer posted to Group: (Not disclosed)
• Prayer Category: Relationships
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